The De-composition of a Human Being

It starts with an idea.  Not the type of idea that wins a Nobel Peace Prize or invents thumb holes for sweaters.  It's the type of idea that chews through brain matter and time, leaving eggs.  It covers all thoughts and words like a disease, until life is no longer an action but a by-product of a body snatching.
        At first it's a tiny, little, unpleasant, thought, that will never happen.  But often, things that start off as a tickle end up as a clubbing.  You try to think but it's like fighting through a pool of mush; simple questions aren't so simple anymore, it takes jut a big longer for everything to register.  People ask you "what's wrong" a lot more often, you just tell them that you're tired, which you are, but sleep won't help the tension behind your eyeballs.
       Eventually your muscles become tense just from the thought of the thought to the point where the thought of getting out of bed leaves you trembling.  Congrats! This is about the point your brain begins to turn to liquid.
        Finally you've had enough, you're not going to take this shit, enough moping, enough self-pity, you will choose not to think about this thing that's eating you from the inside out.  What you don't realize is in time you've become addicted to the pain, you need it to feel, something. Happiness is the phenomena not the exception, this feeling is your only companion. You search for it like a tongue to a sore.  This is your drug of choice.
        At bars, your jokes come through grit teeth, and your stare lingers a bit too long, they notice.  Your laugh is loud and wildly, like its not about the joke at all, like it's the only release, like dumping pain undercover.  But most people don't like odd or other people's problems, they're running from there own.  They talk about the weather or some show you don't give two shits about.  You grow angrier from these surface conversations, the crater inside you gets even deeper, you sink even farther, you feel more alone.

        Welcome, you have now arrived at loneliness, get comfortable because you might be here for a while.  Just when insanity begins to drip into your brain you find yourself alone.  this is a perfect setting for you to confirm all your distorted and disillusioned views which have now turned to gospel.  You search for release, you search for understand, but nothing makes sense, so you search for the wild.