Journal Entry 3

I've been thinking about my past relationship. The thing that still causes me the most pain.  It's not really the thing so much as the thought of it really.  I was thinking about how I was really in love with the thought of her and how it related to me. Aren't most of our romantic relationship just selfishness anyway.  Don't we really just love what the other person can show us about our selves, how they make us feel, the happiness they can bring. I don't believe real love is so solitary and wanting. I was thinking about how none of us really know our selves, and all we have are these peronalities that we call us. But personalities change, they are not the deep down being of us. If it changes it is only form, the tip of the iceberg. So if I think about it, all I'm really sad about is the illusion of me missing the illusion of her, quite comical really. I literally laugh when I think about it.  But only for a second, I've still been very conditioned for the last 29 years and am deeply rooted in Samsara, so it's hard.

(I apologize for the vid quality :p)

I was also thinking about an entry I wrote and posted on to facebook.  A friend replied to the post and his only comment was that I had misspelled a word.  At first I was a bit embarrassed that he would post that on facebook instead of sending me a private message, almost like that was the intention. Then I was annoyed at it because out of the whole post this was the only comment he made. I felt that I had put in some good stuff in the post and he just breezed over it and zeroed in on the error.  But now, it makes me laugh.  I started thinking about how this mentality could and probably does consume so much of our lives . I mean how many times do we pass over the treasures in our life, just to concentrate on the misgivings. How many times do we miss our blessings not because we don't get them but because we don't see them.  Maybe we think of them as mundane or maybe we're addicted to the pain, it gives us a sense of identity, so we need to do these things.  Either way we can't progress unless we know things for what they really are.   We lose the present, the past and the future, just to concentrate on an illusion.  How many times have we all done this, I'm sure too many, and maybe for some not enough. It just makes me think. I remember in a Bruce Lee video he was counselling one of his students, and to better explain a concept he pointed at the moon.  The student was so disconnected that he began to stare at Bruce's finger. Bruce then slapped him in the back of the head and said "Don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glooorryy" I think that's what we do...don't miss all the heavenly glory.


-REY