Walking meditation: 10 mins, pretty good, not much thoughts
This mediation was pretty good considering I haven't done purposeful walking meditation in a little while. I'm a bit negligent with commitment :-x. Not too many thoughts actually I got to it quite clearly after a few early spider webs. The feeling was just one of general clarity, not overwhelmingly transparent, not gritty to the point where I was definitely stuck in New York where you can almost taste the city streets; just pretty good, middle ground. I started observing life, the way we live as people, how we think it's so important but really we just come and go as anything else. I started thinking about the billions and billions of people that have done exactly the same as us before, the people that have grown old, fell in love, gone to school, suffered, prayed, and how none of them made it out alive, how's it's all the same end really, end of human form anyway. I then started to observe myself and the relationships I'm in in my life and how they too will pass and without observation you believe you're getting into something special that no one has ever been in before, that no one can really understand, but under observation we can see that that's not true, we can see all forms rise and fall. Yes, no one will ever do it exactly as you do, but I'm quite sure the motivations are the same and have been done before...maybe.
> Okay now I have a complete contrary notion. I was taking the bus the other day and while looking through the window I saw a mother scoop up her child and swing him into the air looking up at him between her strong arms. They smiled at each other, but with a smile so deep that I recognized it instantly, not blatantly but with the shallow wave of knowing. I recognize that smile from the inside, I was that boy at one point, I experienced that smile, but it was from the inside, it was between me and my mother. And I realized then how real life almost slips by you, how maybe no one else on the bus realized that but me, how each head is it's own world but inside we're all the same. I realized how a simple gesture like that can mean nothing to someone on the outside but everything between a boy and his mother, and how like me he may never forget that experience for the rest of his life. Life's pretty amazing.<
But back to my meditation, so while I was going up my Arunchula hill I saw a piece of ice on the side of the road, it was a bit jagged yet smooth, almost like it was stretching like a Henri Matisse cut outs from that great artist. So I picked it up and started to examine it, well not examine it really but more like observe it. It was beautiful, but only in the sense that it was perfectly itself. It was so itself that I decided to taste it just to see what it was like; being so perfect and all, kind of like women like men that are perfectly themselves, or people like anything really. So I tasted it, and it was salty, probably from the street salting, not very healthy I know, but I kind of felt like a scientist after, you know the way children must feel if they knew what a scientist was at that lol.
Sitting: 27 minutes, good, can't remember much thoughts
I definitely had something for my sitting meditation but I can't really remember it. I just remember a peaceful calming, an inner acceptance....this is in between scattered thoughts of course but there was definitely periods of break through. You see the thing is in my head, while I'm meditating, everything is fine. But once a form arrives I just lose it all and go into a strange panic, it's a bit nutso but it brings me to my next point. I feel that eventually my whole life should be a mediation. That was the realization I came to, that eventually the naturalness of this life is to be at meditation, after all the falsities are observed and overstood that we will realize being and the observation of form. But how do we get there? how do we possibly dance with Samsara instead of being devoured by it. I say it's training, the same way we were trained or seduced by form? We must train from the inside out and outside in to be free with it, not of it but with it. David Deida says there's two ways to live with this world in freedom, either to abstain from worldly pleasures and become a monk and go away, or fuck the world to smithereens, every moment in extreme advancement. Sometimes I'm not sure which side I'm on, it's difficult. Anyway I'll return to this in my next Journal (I hope), thanks everyone for tuning in.
-Namaste
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